Ahhh, it's about that time of year again. I really can't believe it has been a year since I wrote my last end-of-year blog post! Time really flies. I constantly thought about whether or not I should write this because of my pretty tumultuous year...but I decided to, because so many people email me after I do, expressing how much it has inspired them, helped them, or simply made them feel like they're not alone in this world. Last year, I expressed so much about my life to you...and I really wanted to hold back this year to protect so many, including myself, but I thought, these discovery posts, wouldn't be what they are, without me being honest!
I usually have a list to begin each year, but for 2011 I have decided to have no plans or lists whatsoever. I thought maybe I'd share with you some things to live by, to possibly make your life a little more cheery, as well as the people around you. You see, I witnessed and learned so many things in 2010, and I came to realize that making plans and wishes, are somewhat pointless, as things hardly ever go that way. So I said, I might as well just go along with each day, enjoying each moment, and understanding that whatever it is I wish for or want, will come to me when I truly LIVE! So here goes....
* It really doesn't matter what anyone says...it's always best to do what works for you. I lived in New York for 5 years, and there were many times when I wanted to come back home....to be specific, 2008 was the year I was ready. My grandmother had passed, and I became this totally lost soul, not knowing which way to turn. On one hand I wanted to stay to accomplish what I had gone there for; to not hurt a good person, or disappoint my parents. On the other hand, I wanted to come right back to be with my family, to something that I thought was true, and to focus on my passion 100%. I ended up staying....but when I found myself in tears all over again, all alone in an apartment, I really wanted to leave. It wasn't until I told my mother how I felt, and she told me it does not matter what anyone thinks or says....if it's going to make me happy, just do it. You have no idea how long I fought to stay in NY, just because I was afraid of disappointing the people around me....when really, I was only preventing myself from happiness! Rule #1: Be Happy For You!
* God won't always do what you ask him to. If you remember last year I was at a point in my life, where I became more spiritual, happier and full of life. I made a list and was doing everything on it with ease. I believed in love, and decided that when it was time, I could open my heart again. Well, I did just that and got hurt, and sadly I got really angry with God. I stopped praying, I stopped believing, and my Daily Bread was no longer on my bedside table, but in a drawer. Dramatic I know, but I thought if God saw how far I had come, why would he send a person that was just no good? How many lessons does one really have to learn? Then as time passed, I realized my life really sucked because I was angry with God. So, I slowly started to pray again (and I did ask for forgiveness), I'm now thinking about becoming a member of a church, and possibly getting baptized when I'm ready to hand my life over to Him completely. So who knows, maybe this was God's way of bringing me closer to Him, but I will tell you this: Crap is going to happen all the time, even when we pray for the opposite...you just have to trust that even if God doesn't give you what you may want, it's for a reason....and soon you will receive even greater. And I believe I will. Rule #2: Believe Even When It's Hard To See
* You probably won't ever know your purpose on this earth. I questioned my purpose in life a lot this year....and I mean a lot. I tend to be hard on myself, which is pointless for something I may never understand. Then there were these random things that happened when I kinda disappeared in my moments of trying to figure things out. I received emails from people I wasn't necessarily close to, wondering where I was...and hoping that I'd get back to my regular cheery self soon. My coworkers got concerned when I was no longer laughing and dancing in the hallway...so I'd get random hugs during the day...as well as pep talks to help me get back to old Alia. Someone even told me, part of the reason why work isn't too hard to come to everyday, is because I'm there. I received a card in the mail from someone I was no longer close to, to let me know that they thought I was a good person. My sister found my certificates from prep school as she cleared out her room, and one was awarded to me for being able to cheer up people when they were down (I was 10 years old). The best part....someone told me that I always have this spark, that can brighten any room. I guess that's why as hard as I tried to put a smile on my face....every single person knew something wasn't right. I may never know my purpose in life, but what I do know, is that I bring some kind of sunshine to people's lives by being the person that I am. I guess it's just better to live and do good deeds, rather than worry about why we're here! So Rule #3: Be A Good You, As You Never Know
* Everyone's life always looks super on the outside...but no one ever knows what happens behind closed doors or within a person. I battled many demons this year (I still have a few to overcome), which is probably hard to believe being the happy-go-lucky person that I am. There were moments I thought I was lame because I wasn't where I thought I would be at this age, and I semi-envied the people who had accomplished everything I hadn't....or even a piece of it! Not to mention my constant fight for perfection! Not good! There were also those moments of random conversations with my single friends, who wanted marriage, kids, etc., but then I had conversations with my married friends, who sometimes wished they could pick up and travel, move to a different country, or do what seems like the super things that single people do. Everyone's life always seems greener, but all you can do is focus on your life and the great things happening within it....trust me, there ARE some great things going on....even if it's as simple as waking up every morning a healthy person! Sometimes we focus too much on wanting what others have, that we forget to see what is right in front of us. And whatever it is you want at some point in your life, it will come when the time is right! Maybe it's not that time for you to be successful, as you have more failures to endure. Maybe it's not time to get married, because the right person hasn't found you. And maybe you can't pick up and travel, or move....because there are much bigger things for you to do, right where you are. So what we have to do is...Rule #4: Live, Enjoy, & Love Your Life On Your Green Side (it really is green!).
* Find something that you won't necessarily do on a regular day. For some reason, when I moved home...the passion I had for what I wanted to do kinda disappeared. I have no idea why, but I realized the drive I had when I just started aliamichèle, was no longer there. So rather than doing the usual beat myself up b.s., I thought what could I do to help get it back? I thought maybe if I became a regular 9-5 gal, it would help. That got a negative. So I decided to explore another creative outlet. I have a weird mind that gets inspired by so many things, so it wouldn't be too hard to do something else artsy. Sometimes stepping outside of our regular routine, will help us see what our true love really is. I love making bags, and I wish everyday that the dream will come true of being well-known for what I do, but I just need to get back that fire to fight for it all over again. You may be tired of your daily routine, so try driving a different route to work, go help someone who's not as fortunate as you are, come help me sew a bag....whatever it may be..... Rule #5: Do Something Outside Of Your Everyday Box
* Honesty really is the best policy. This year I witnessed some serious dishonesty, to the point where it really baffled me. I've come across some liars....but this year I saw for the first time a wolf in sheep's clothing. You see, it's one thing to be dishonest with the people around you, but it's another thing when you are not honest with yourself, and in fact, never knowing the person you truly are. I have always been an honest person, I suck at letting people know how I feel at times, but I work really hard at keeping it real. I had never experienced what I did this year, and I wondered how people could be this way, and deprive themselves from the world loving the real person they are! I have found that when you live an honest and compassionate life, not only is your world never really lonely, but you realize you're surrounded by good, genuine, wholesome people. And I am happy that my parents raised me this way, because I have been blessed with some really awesome people, right here next to me! Plus, when you are true to you and others around you, it makes your life much, much, much easier! Rule #6: Be Honest
* As hard as it may be, try to forgive. I have heard a crap load of stories this year...it's quite amazing how many things have happened to the people that I love in the space of 12 months. I guess you can also understand why this post comes right after rule #6. After truly opening my heart this year, I have found it extremely hard to forgive the person who walked away, leaving me with this huge scar. But when I pray each night, I ask God to help me find it in my heart to forgive this person. And I'm hoping that before 2011 begins, I can finally forgive and let go of all the hurt and anger I still feel. And let me tell you, I pour my heart into this prayer, because I feel like it's just no longer cool to be angry with someone who is clueless as to how much they may have hurt you. So if someone has done something hurtful or upsetting to you this year or earlier.... as much as you'd like to dislike them forever, try to forgive them. It will help you to move on, and receive the beautiful things waiting for you in the distance. Rule #7: Learn To Forgive
So that's it for my end-of-year post...you have no idea how hard it was for me to type and share all of this. I hope these little stories help you a little bit with whatever may have happened this year, so that we can all go into 2011 with a completely new perspective. Forget the plans, but keep your goals. Have an open mind that it all may not happen, and I promise that once you do, when life knocks you down, it won't be as hard to get up! We'll be stronger than before! So...I'm about to head up to the hills to be with the people who see this star shining everyday, even when it's behind a cloud! Have a beautiful Christmas, a full-filling New Year and always remember, we're never alone in this world! I'll leave you with a quote and my fav.Christmas song for 2010!
—Love Always...alia michèle
You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection—Buddha
Christmas Lights by Coldplay