Tage Archive: discovery | Back home
With the beginning of a not so great week...I found these words very comforting! They were written by a lovely photographer, (whose blog I follow) named Elizabeth Messina! And I dedicate this post to my friend who showed me today, that I'm not the only one...she knows who she is!
It really is amazing how much time flies. I woke up one morning...looked at my calender and realized that half of the year is almost up! So of course I took a look at my list to see what I had accomplished, and noticed I had only done a few things. I have been exercising, eating healthier, reading and kinda sorta saving. I guess it's better than nothing, but being an over-achiever...I'm not exactly a happy camper. I recently started to read a book called "The Happiness Project", where the author (Gretchen Rubin) dedicated each month of the year, to something on her list to help her become a happier person! This inspired me to redo my list for the year. So here it is...my end of 2010 commandments!
1. Live in the moment—I have found that I'm always trying to look into the future, and we all know I wasn't blessed with psychic powers. I guess I haven't really been that person to sit, relax and enjoy things for what they are....which isn't necessarily a good thing. So I live...teaching myself to live each day....because if I'm not now here, I'm nowhere.
2. Make it happen—There are too many times I get lazy when it comes to meeting the people I admire, or doing the work needed for my business! It's time to make dreams come true.
3. Accept my friends—I have pretty high expectations of everyone that comes into my life, which of course leads to disappointments most of the time. For the rest of the year, I'd like to accept my friends for who they are. Not everyone will do the things I would do for them...and that's okay!
4. Let it go—This is self-explanatory! I do hold onto things longer than I should...I'm sure if I learned to let it go and not give a hoot-nanny, I'd be waaayyyy happier than I am now!
5. Help others—It could be someone I've never met, or simply a friend....either way I will put my bs aside, and help those who need a hand, shoulder, or ear! Read the rest of this article »
So if you read this blog regularly, you'd know that my recent distress has been my 20/20 vision going slowly! So I got my eyes tested, and found out that I am now slightly near sighted! Since then, I have been in serious depress-mode! But on Friday, I picked up my new glasses, and as I walked home, I realized that even though my sight is now a little blurry, the good thing is I can still see...that's my blessing! So, this weekend I embraced them...and was really thankful that my sight could be corrected by a simple piece of plastic! Here's a lovely quote for you, which made my day as I walked home last week....life isn't about how to survive the storm but how to dance in the rain. So I dance... four-eyed and all! Enjoy!
As I sat on the train one day listening to my ipod, the Intro to J.Cole's mixtape "The Warm Up" was randomly chosen to play through my ears. I swear this plays whenever I'm about to do something that relates to my dream....almost like a reminder to keep pushing. When I spoke to my father the other day, and we talked about rebellious teens, I asked him if I ever was rebellious. He said no, but I was very strong-willed. Whenever I made a decision, that's the way it was going to go and no one could stop me. When I heard that, I remember making the decision to move to New York. I had the choice of going to London, but because I heard that NY was more of a challenge for new designers, I said that's where I'm going. Read the rest of this article »
So we all know that this is the year that I will be dusting off that piece of paper, that holds the list of successful people I would like to meet. Yay! Well I thought I would share this experience by telling you who I'm going to try and reach, then if and when I do meet them...let you know all that I learned. These are all in my attempts to becoming someone successful...and the best way to learn is from those who have done so already. So, the first person on my list this year is Thalia Lyn...probably because she may be the easiest to get a hold of, but I admire her immensely, and I think if I start off this project with her, I will be ready to rumble for the others. Read the rest of this article »
Two of the things on my list for 2010 were exercise and eating healthy....so these will be the topic of discussion on my first 2010 discovery post.
So...if you don't know me by now, I am a candy fiend. If I see gummie bears anywhere...you better believe I'll be stuffing my mouth with them. So this year I cut out a lot of my candy intake, as well as other sweets...sigh. It has been a hard task, but I realized after a few weeks, my ridiculous cravings subsided, and I didn't need some kind of dessert after each meal. I also stopped eating out. Almost every New Yorker will tell you they don't have time to prepare any kind of food...we all eat out A LOT due to our work schedules (and the other things that make our lives oh so busy). I was a part of that group, but now I've been preparing my meals each day and even cooking (enter shocked face here*)! And the best part about preparing my own food...I've been saving quite a bit of money...YAY to a bigger pocket!
Now, as for exercise....in 2007 I found out I had a slight curvature of the spine. My grandmother also had it, so I talked to her and she told me very sternly that I must, must, must exercise. It has been hard waking up to go the gym...especially during the winter season. But, those days when I'm just over it, (especially when I find that the changes I should see in my body are taking a lot longer than when I was in my early 20s) I just remember that this task is really and truly for my health. And once I have that focus...the super summer body will come along with it...in time! <3
I know that it's now January 6th, but I wrote this before the new year....twice I might add, and both posts didn't save. Grrr. Sooo third time is a charm right??
At the beginning of each year I usually make a mental list of things that I want to accomplish within the 12 months. I think 2009 was my year to grow and let go, and I made a list to help me do that. This year my list is smaller and to the point, so let's break the bugger down to the details.
I can't believe it's December already! That means it has been 7 months since I made my list. So I decided that because of my great day and the busy weeks I have ahead of me, that I would write about where I am at this point in my life.
Thinking Positively—I honestly think this comes from having faith. Since I changed my whole outlook and started to really believe in God, negative thinking has decreased. Why? I have accepted the fact that failure, disappointment, and challenges are all a part of life. And now I know that no matter what, I will get through anything once I believe.
Network—I have to admit that I haven't really been focusing on this part of my list. Most know that winter isn't my best friend...I usually go to work, and go right back home during this horrible season. But I have made it my duty to start, January 1st 2010.
Exercise Daily—I was doing really well at first, but one word will explain why I kinda stopped—WINTER! All I want to do is eat bread and sleep.
Eat Healthy— I have been making a conscious effort to eat better and man does it kill my pocket. But, I realize that my body is a temple...so if I don't nourish it properly, my spirit will be a hot mess. Read the rest of this article »
This week my Aunt Joyce passed away. She was my grandmother's sister, and when I sat in my cubicle remembering her, I smiled remembering the times we used to run away from her wet kisses on holidays. Aunt Joyce has been in a nursing home probably my whole life, but what I have been grateful for is the fact that I went with my Grandma to visit her and spent time talking to her. After my Grandma passed, my mom would ask me to deliver some things to Aunt Joyce, and when I went, I would park and go inside to sit with her. I talked to her even though she could barely hear me. It's those moments in my life that I will truly treasure.
So, I have been working on finding a volunteer project to do once or twice a month in New York. I feel like even though I am trying to find my own happiness, I really should give some of my time to helping those less fortunate. My first volunteer project was to help knit warm clothing for the homeless. I learned how to knit in 2005 by my friend JLS, and since then I have been hooked. I pretty much only know one stitch, and I signed up for this volunteer project to see if I could learn more. And duh, I was given something to knit with the one stitch I know. So I am still on the fence about this...one side of me says I'm doing this to give someone warm clothing, it doesn't matter what stitch I do. The other side of me says, as much as I like to knit, this project isn't as fulfilling as I thought it would be.
My next project was to play Nintendo Wii at a health center here in New York. When I walked towards the center, I had no idea what to expect. I didn't know if I'd be playing with kids or with adults. Well, I walked through the doors and I was going to be playing Wii with adults who were all in wheelchairs. I was put on a team, and I helped my team members play the games as well as cheered them on. I also got to play, after I all I was on the team. But, I constantly thought maybe this isn't for me even though I had fun.
Here's the thing, I don't think it was a good idea to go play games with a group of people at a health center, since my Aunt Joyce passed away the night before. The whole feeling of being in a hospital already bothered me, but what I realized about my aunt passing, was that I was quite sad because she was one connection I had to my grandmother (who passed in 2004). As I sat there watching other people play games, I really felt like not coming back because I didn't want to get attached to anyone, as I obviously had a hard time losing loved ones.
Then I met Sylvia. Sylvia was a feeble old lady, who was a part of my Wii bowling team. I was amazed by Sylvia because she was so full of life despite her disability, and that reminded me of both my grandmothers. When I first decided to volunteer, I really wanted a project where I could visit elders who had no family or friends to visit them. So I actually thought about going and asking if I could volunteer to visit some of the residents there but I backed out because of my fear. I'm amazed that not only do I have a crazy fear of giving my heart, but I have a fear of simply being kind.
The funny thing was my fear quickly disappeared when Sylvia looked at me when we were all leaving and said "be sure to come next time okay???" I guess this was God's way of showing me that even though I'm afraid of losing people I love, it's something I will overcome and continue to live my life open to whatever I may receive. And I am happy to say I will be attending my Nintendo Wii games night once again, and I guess the next time I will ask about visiting the residents on my own time:)
Not many...well no one knows this, but in the picture above, at that point in time of my life, I let go of a lot of things that I had been holding on to. I went to the top of the sand dune just to take a picture, but when I got up there and felt the wind on my face, I lifted my arms, closed my eyes and asked God to help me to let go. And I did. I let go of a few situations that upset me the few months and years before this picture was taken, and for some reason after that, my life became clearer. I sat on a 15 hour flight battling on whether or not to let go of someone that I deeply cared about. And I did. It was strange that I was no longer afraid of being alone. I have always been in a relationship, or close to a relationship and for the past 10 years of my life, I have been so concerned about making sure everyone is ok, that I never really took the time to make sure I was happy. And I pretty much wasn't.
So, this began my path to happiness. Other painful situations occurred in my life, which blew me out the water, but I realized that this was God's way of telling me to really take the time to be by myself...and when the time is right everything will fall into place. So after a few weeks of being sad, and lost, and getting used to the not so cool feeling of being alone, I got up and made a list to change myself and my life. I printed it, put it all over my apartment to remind myself of what it is I need to do in order to move forward. When I made this list I really looked within myself, and decided I needed to make changes, before I can run a successful business, before I can open my heart to love someone again and most importantly, to love myself.
First thing I did after making my list, was go and buy the book called Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabteh Gilbert. I saw people reading it on the train all the time, and then someone told me to definitely buy it. I can relate to so many things in this book. Yes, I didn't get divorced but I went through the toughest break up of my life. I too had many days of crying on the bathroom floor without anyone knowing. I tried to escape my unhappy life by applying to business school, and God sat me down and said I need to face my fears for once in my life. I also had people crush my heart, whether it was a friend or more. I also went through a period in time where I just didn't know what to do, or where my life was going (I was ready to say...excuse my french...fuck bags). I was over it all. But after going on top of that sand dune, I let it all go. The wind took all of those thoughts and things I dwelled on somewhere I don't really want to know. It was the best decision to read this book after making my list, because it has helped me see a lot of things differently. I have even marked pages that have inspiring words. So I thought last night, why not write about my new experiences in my life from this day forward, with the hopes that maybe I can inspire someone, the way this book has inspired me. So I thought today I will talk about my new found faith. And don't worry, I will still post artsy fartsy nerdy stuff like I usually do (which was the point of my blog):) So here we go!
I moved to New York in 2006 to get my business off the ground, so that I could move back home and provide more jobs in the arts as well as to help my country progress. Sadly, I was blown away by all the obstacles I faced. I was ready to move back home within 2 months of living here. I was hit down so many times which made me stop believing in almost everything. I didn't understand why when I tried to move forward, I was pushed right back to step one. I personally believed I had been through so much, why did I need to go through anything else? After 3 years of living here, and one long trip overseas, I freaked out about the possibility of being alone for the rest of my life. It's hard being here going through so many ups and downs, when all your best friends are all over the world, and your family is miles away and you just let go of the one person that you talked to about everything. But something spoke to me that day while I freaked out, and said, "There is no need to worry". And from that point on, I started to pray. Which is new to me, you have no idea. I started to believe in God more than anything, and that with Him by my side, I would be ok. My prayers aren't even the kind of prayers where you ask for things...well I ask for my family and friends to be protected, and for my business to succeed (after my hard work of course). But I have started to talk to God like He is my friend. I remember going to church with my father in May, and looking around, seeing all these people with their eyes closed, and wondering where their faith came from. And today, I have a new found faith which is surprising to me but oh so wonderful. I finally saw what everyone in the church saw and believed. And I have found that since then, my life has been okay. There are days I want to pull may hair out because of circumstances, but I no longer go home and turn my lights off and cry. I take a deep breath and say to myself "it will all be ok, this will only make me stronger", or I call DW/TM who amazingly have enough strength to share. And let me not forget my NY emergency contact Jes, who promised to be there.
The last 2 nights, I have slept without my tv on. Yes, I know it's a bit whack that a 28 year old woman is afraid of the dark, but after weeks of prayer, I believed God would keep me safe through the night. This new faith has also lead me to remove any kind of negativity in my life. I realized I needed to make myself whole again, because after 1998, my spirit fell to pieces and I have recently began to put it back together again. Anyone or anything that tries to break my spirit gets the boot. I remove myself from it completely and move on. I am happy that after all of this, that I believe more than I ever have in my life, and with that, my life will become complete! I believe that this is only the beginning of great things to come; with the help of God of course. :)